There are very few things less interesting than hearing about someone else’s fantasy football team/fantasy football league. In fact, I would put it on my personal short-list of the most painful possible topics of conversation, a list that includes: political views, other people’s pets, and/or anything related to the band, The Eagles.
Having said that, there is nothing I want more than to talk to someone, nay anyone, else about my most recent draft in what has to be one of the longest tenured leagues to come out of mid-Michigan in quite some time; The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. You see, my friends…they don’t care. My family…no good. School-chums, NAH. Doctors, Mechanics, and the guy currently working on my dishwasher… they all kind of shrugged off my advances as well. But you, you must care and that’s why you’re here. You want to listen to me talk about my most recent auction draft and the “Moneyball” like strategy and thought process that went into my auction draft.
Let it be known that my team has finished 4-9 and 5-8 the past two seasons. I serve as the Commissioner of the league which means that I, without question, put the most time into the league and, I feel, care more than anyone else does in the league. I won the Championship back in 2006 and assumed that my dominance would continue as I gained the ability to vote, buy tobacco, and enlist in the military. However, much like comedian and actor Pauly Shore, as time has passed—I have become a joke.
But not this year, I pray to God, not this year.
*My keepers were C.J. Anderson for $10 and Randall Cobb for $19. Leaving me with a budget of $171.
WR ALSHON JEFFREY– $29
After roughly twelve players had been auctioned off to overzealous league members burning their cash on big name running backs and Aaron Rodgers, I decided that I wanted to start clicking BID and so I did. Being that I now, for the time being, live in the land of Lincoln—having Bears players on my roster makes sense as I am able to watch their games each-and-every Sunday. On the downside, I hate the Bears and they are absolutely abysmal. I felt as though Jeffrey, who already received a high number of targets last season, would only be receiving more with all-around-good-guy Brandon Marshall out of the picture.
RB LASEAN MCCOY– $43
I don’t like this pick now and I didn’t like it when I made it, but time was running out on what I perceived to be “difference making” running backs. It’s a boom or bust pick that will most likely flare up like repugnant boil, leaving me hurting and sad. With the training camp injury last week and the topsy-turvy state of the Bills signal caller, I don’t feel great about this at all.
RB LAMAR MILLER– $28
Whatever trepidation’s I had regarding the McCoy pick were forgotten as soon as I locked down Lamar Miller. I concede that the price is not spectacular, but I spent money in much worse ways in the draft (see above). It should also be noted that when you keep players at a lower cost than what their mock value is, like C.J. Anderson going to me for $10 when he might have cost $50, that a surplus of money exists and that running backs like Miller and later Joseph Randle end up going for much more than their perceived worth. Nevertheless, I feel good about Miller and expect him to build on his strong 2014 season.
QB DREW BREES– $20
This might have been my worst pick. It’s not that I don’t feel like Drew Brees is going to have a good fantasy season, it’s just that Peyton Manning went for $22, Roethlisberger went for $8, and my beloved Matt Stafford went for $7—all of which could and probably will put up comparable, if not better numbers. I think having Matt Ryan as my QB last season made me want to go out and get someone who was a bit more dependable, but I’m not entirely sure that I did that.
RB JOSEPH RANDLE– $20
As I previously mentioned, guys like this go for more than they should when draftees save money via keepers. ESPN had him valued at something like $11, but in that offense with what DeMarco Murray was able to do last year—taking Randle for $20 was a risk that I was willing to take. I’m not particularly interested in throwing a bunch of stats at you, but the dude did average almost 7 yards per carry last season, albeit in limited time. In the words of one of the guys from the teen-cheer-leading-flick Fired Up, “You’ve got to risk it for the biscuit.” A mantra that I try to remember each-and-every-day of my life.
WR ANQUAN BOLDIN– $2
Anquan Boldin’s last two seasons in San Francisco: 83 receptions, 1062 yards, 5 TDs and 85 catches, 1179 yards and 7 TDs. Say what you will about the 49ers and Kaepernick, but with Carlos Hyde as their starting back, they will be forced to throw the ball quite often and I would argue that even with Torrey Smith now in the picture—Boldin is the man in San Francisco, even at 34. The value here was stellar.
RB ISIAH CROWELL– $12
When you’ve got money to spend and the quality of players is significantly dipping, this is where the dollars go. The Browns have a triumvirate of backs, Crowell alongside Duke Johnson and Terrance West, that could all conceivably share carries. However, Crowell appears to be the most talented of the bunch. Which could be equated to be the happiest person in line at the department of motor vehicles.
WR KEVIN WHITE– $12
The price was too high. The player is now going to miss a sizable chunk of time. These things happen.
JERRICK MCKINNON RB, LARRY DONNELL TE, DEVANTE PARKER WR, PHILLIP RIVERS QB, DOLPHINS DEFENSE, AND DAN BAILEY K– $1
So what had happened was—I ran out of cash, which is (generally) the idea of an auction draft. Thus, my last six picks all went for the minimum value. I am going to be forced to start Larry Donnell at TE which is far from spectacular, but at least the cost was low. McKinnon was a good value should anything happen to Peterson this year and Phillip Rivers is a very nice and very affordable insurance policy should Brees struggle or get hurt this season. As someone who ignores college football, I have no previous knowledge of Devante Parker, but recently read an article that he is having a lackluster training camp, so there is that. I have no interest in commenting on my defense or my kicker because I will probably end up dropping both in favor of whichever defense and kicker is projected for the highest number of points for week two.
Barring any major setbacks, either by way of injuries or suspensions, I expect this team to net me more than five wins, which is far from a bold claim, but has to be the ultimate goal after the last two seasons I have had. To still be reading this post means that you possess a tremendous amount of love for fantasy football or for me. Whichever it may be, I thank you for reading.
Entertainment Hero 
Omg really hating on the eagles, huh? I watched a 3 hour documentary about them and never lost interest.
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